“Woulda…coulda… shoulda” Thoughts on Resolutions…

This is the time of year when many of us think about resolutions – of changing something in our life to make it better, happier, healthier, more prosperous.

As I watched the 1962 classic “The Music Man” this weekend, I was reminded of Thomas Jefferson’s quote, “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today” when Professor Harold Hill (Robert Preston) told the Librarian, Marian (Shirley Jones), “If  you pile up enough tomorrows, all you will have is a bunch of empty yesterdays”.

Achieving “full” yesterdays that are aligned with your goals (avoiding the “woulda, coulda, shoulda”) may require you to make new habits or change old ones – something that cannot be put off until tomorrow.  Whether your resolution is to read more, eat less, work smarter, add a practice of meditation, exercise more patience, get to bed earlier, have a more positive outlook, be more organized, get fit – or any other goal – achieve it by starting now and by taking one small step at a time as you become aware of your opportunities to change. Ask yourself what is holding you back?  It is in the very moment when you notice what you could or should be doing that you have a choice and the power to make or break habits.  Don’t expect change will automatically happen because you made a resolution.  It will take multiple starts, a lot of awareness, successful repetition - and time – to adjust your thoughts and behaviors.

As you start your new year, make a point to notice your opportunities each day, hour and minute to choose the action that will make your yesterdays full.

Wishing you a prosperous, full and “woulda- coulda- shoulda-free” Happy New Year!

Shirley M. Clark, CLC
President
CAREER TRANSITION NETWORK, LLC

One of my dear friends, Patti, who had been diagnosed with a cancer for which there is no known cure, said as she was preparing for the results of her CT scan which would indicate if she needed to go through yet another round of experimental intensive chemo, “You know, it is hard to be positive all of the time – it is just too exhausting… but I found I can remain hopeful. I am always hopeful.”

In her book, “My Stroke of Insight”, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, referring to her eight-year recovery from a massive stroke, tells us that if the boundary between what you can do and what you cannot do is not clearly defined, then you don’t know what to try next. Her key message: “recovery can be derailed by hopelessness.”

Both of these amazing women, when faced with life-altering challenges – even while recognizing their lives would never be the same – spoke of hope. We can learn from them and recognize that no matter what we are going through as a nation, a family, or are experiencing in our careers – it is when we remain hopeful that we can define and find the resources within to get us to the next step.

It is the hope that you can manage through the challenge of change to live a secure life… a healthy life… a fulfilled life… that will push you to focus your thoughts and invest your time in the work required to move you closer to your goals. When we have hope, we can imagine a better life and we can choose to lead our life in a way that will have a positive impact on our tomorrow. We don’t need to be stuck when we have hope as a beacon.

Ken Blanchard once said, “Leadership is the capacity to influence others by unleashing their power and potential to impact the greater good”. This is a time for the leader within us to emerge stronger and more resilient. With the current trials we all face, it is sometimes difficult to be an optimist, but with hope, we have the power to influence and impact the greater good – for ourselves, our families and our communities.

Let hope be the seed that inspires you to work through any challenges you may face and look past fear to imagine a life filled with new opportunities.

New Year’s Resolutions

By Shirley M. Clark

We often use the end of the year as a time of reflection, followed by our commitment to change something in our lives – our “new year’s resolutions”. There seems to be a certain amount of hope and optimism that touches our thinking as we welcome in a new year. And by our thoughts of resolutions, our minds are set to take control. This is a powerful and healthy ritual that we perform!

So what is it that generally causes this energy to wane as the year goes on? Many resolutions are set aside within a few months and we fall back into old patterns and habits. Conversely, what is behind our ability to succeed in keeping a New Year’s Resolution? Can you think of a time when you did? What was at the core of your success?

When things have been a certain way for a long period of time, we often accept them as they are and don’t think about what will be or what can be. We get caught in a pattern of behavior and expectations that can often lead us on a path we don’t want to be on or land us in a situation that is uncomfortable or painful. Changing those patterns cannot be done by simply writing a list. The good news is, however, they can be changed! When you think back on times you have accomplished something memorable – perhaps losing weight, quitting smoking, taking on a challenging new role – what did you do to achieve your success? It all started with a thought and a goal.

Just take a moment to close your eyes and take a deep breath. What is it that you would like to accomplish? How would you like to be in 2009? How do you want to be perceived by those around you? Take another breath and contemplate what needs to be on your mind each day in order to be the person you want to be. What do you need to be thinking to accomplish new things? What actions do you need to take to achieve the results you desire?

On this day, as we make our lists – no matter what our employment situations are or what the economy is doing – for that moment in time we feel like we have some control over what lies ahead. Make that feeling of control a reality. Make everyday a New Year’s Eve and recognize that we can keep our Resolutions when we think about what we need to do and we choose to make those powerful choices to change.

May your mind be filled with thoughts that lead you to grand and glorious things – or simply things that make your life a little bit better! Happy New Year!

By Karla Robertson, PCC

Isn’t it interesting that when things are going wrong, we look externally for the fix-it solution or for the cause of the malfunction? Even when things are going well and we want them to work better we reach for our mouse and engage in the cyber-driven pursuit of seeking answers from resources and experts “out there”. Why is it that we overlook one of the best sources for our answers: our own brains? When we want change, rarely is our first action to go internal to ask ourselves questions that will reveal not just knowledge but new ways of thinking. What keeps us from spending time inside our own brains to find solutions and higher awareness?

Neuroscience, as discussed in David Rock’s recent book, Quiet Leadership, is coming up with much exciting information about our brain and specific studies which show that what we think directly influences what we do. In his book, David shares how this applies to leadership and management effectiveness. Our patterns of thinking (which combine emotional responses as well as logical analysis) inform our decisions and drive our choices and actions. How we repeatedly respond to certain people, for example, is due to how we repeatedly think of them which may be based on previous experience with that person. We already begin an internal dialogue about them… sometimes before they’ve even opened their mouths! Our brains have set the stage for what is about to transpire. This is why it’s hard for people who have made a living in a certain industry for a long time find it hard to see themselves in the context of another industry or even line of work. We can’t get out of the “box” our brains put our self image in and all the assumptions that go with that. We become hardwired with our thinking with internal statements (which we sometimes express externally): “This is all I’ve done.” No one will hire me without X experience.” “ I can’t make this kind of money going into a new industry.” The list goes on. Sound familiar?

It is this hardwiring that informs our thinking which we use to make sense out of what is being presented to us every day. Our hardwiring also is what is behind our decisions inside our heads and moves us to make specific choices and then take certain actions externally. Think of it as a flow that looks like this:
Thinking (internal) → Decision (internal) → Choice (internal) → Action (external)

So this begs the question: Can we change our hardwiring? Right now science says mostly, no. But the good news is our brains can build new wiring! And it doesn’t take as long as we previously thought to construct new wiring to new highways that our brain can construct. The more we use these new roadways and continue to build upon them, the more hardwired they become. What happens, then, is that we begin to shift our thinking, decisions, choices and actions in a direction that will bring us (and perhaps our business, results, team, family, or society) to a new level. New thinking takes over which sparks the opportunity to make better decisions and create new and better outcomes. What happens to our old hardwiring? Well, like a formerly used road that is now bypassed for the newly constructed superhighway, it becomes weaker and is less utilized.

What are you thinking? When you are looking at yourself and the next move in your career, (or even considering how to drive innovation, solve a problem, create a solution, or resolve a conflict begin by asking yourself a few questions:

1. How often do I think about this?
2. On a scale of 1-5 how important is this to me? To my team?
3. How else can I think about this?
4. What assumptions am I making?
5. What am I not thinking about in this situation? (or giving little thought to?)
6. How do I feel when I think about this?*

*Feel. Oh, that word! What does feeling have to do with good, solid decision-making? We’ve been talked into thinking (hardwired) that emotions and feeling have no place in business and yet the lack of them or presence of them plays out in some of the most disastrous and fabulous outcomes every day. Learn to harness their power. Remember, humans are emotional beings. The limbic (emotion) and neo-cortex (reasoning) parts of our brains are inextricably tied. They are both part of our thinking and no amount of denial (or corporate directives) is going to change that. Learn to listen, understand and use what your emotions are telling you! As my colleague, Dr. Emina Karamanovski explains in her upcoming book. Emotions Simplified, “Emotions are your allies not your foes. Emotions are messengers that are trying to tell you something important.” Value and integrate your logic and your emotions. You will be a better leader and decision-maker. Find people who can challenge your thinking and help you through the process such as a coach, colleague, mentor, supervisor, friend, etc.

Regardless where you are in life and what situation you’re facing, the ability to look inward along the way is critical. Our world is not static and change has become the norm…and it comes fast. Technology has driven this to a large extent. Therefore, it is imperative that our thinking and being as humans must be revised and revisited just as our technology is. It is my belief that we have put significant money and effort into perfecting and advancing our technology and yet our thinking as humans has not evolved or advanced as deeply and significantly. We need to effectively find solutions for emerging concerns as well as historic issues that continue to challenge each new generation. How we think about what is before us, what is and what could be, will determine what happens next.

Where has your thinking been taking you?

Karla Robertson is the founding president of Shifting Gears based in Howell, NJ and is a personal coach to executives and teams across the country. She can be reached at 732-845-4833 or karla@shiftinggears.biz. Visit her website at www.shiftinggears.biz